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Chronicles
of a toy balloon and short pants fetishist.
Miscellaneous
#3:- My Misspent Youth- B= 100; S= 0
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Don't let the title fool you. The following
is strictly "G" rated and outlines some fun things you can do with toy
balloons that I have personally tried during my Misspent Youth.
Balloon Darts:- Miniature home made darts are fairly safe for use in the house but tough on balloons.Pencil Popper:- An airship balloon makes a great pencil launcher.
Hot Air Balloons:- High flying balloons without the need for Helium.
Foolproof Door Water Bomb:- This one is a guaranteed soaker.
Most of us have experienced the fun and excitement of popping those little balloons with darts at the local carnival. However, unless you have a large family room with space for a legitimate dart board you have probably have not heaved darts at your unwanted rubber toys in the privacy of your house due to the obvious dangers to humans, animals, and furnishings. Here is an alternative to full sized darts that my daddy-o showed me when I was 6 as an aid to improve my throwing aim as well as acclimating me to the loud noises produced when toy balloons are struck by sharp objects.
Materials required are some wooden matches, straight pins from wifey's sowing basket, and a bit of heavy paper. You will also need a single edged razor blade or sharp knife, wire cutters, as well as scissors in the way of tools.
Cut off the business end of the matches just behind the head. Take one of the pins and carefully push the pointed end into the center of the cut end of the match. Press the pin inward 3/8 of a inch or so as nearly parallel to the axis of the match stick as possible. Be careful not to jab your pinkie if the match suddenly splits. With the wire cutters trim off the head of the pin. If you want your target to have a fighting chance you are good to go; otherwise remove the pin, turn end for end, and press the cut end into the hole you already made in the end of the match stick.
With the razor blade or sharp knife carefully cut a centered X on the other end of the match, generating two slits at right angles to each other about 3/4 of an inch deep from the end along the length of the match stick. Again be careful not to slice your finger. Most match sticks are made from straight grained wood and the slits should run fairly centered down the four sides without much fuss.
For each dart, cut two 3/4" X 1 1/2" "feathers" from heavy paper (large Kraft shopping bags are ideal). Fold each of the feathers in half across the narrow dimension. Form a nice sharp crease. With the razor blade or knife, pry out one quarter of the slit end of the match and push the folded paper into the opened right angle slits. Pry open the diametrically opposite side of the match and insert the second feather. You should now have four 3/4" by 3/4" feathers at right angles to each other.
Of course you will need some targets to toss your darts at other than the kids or one of your pets (although moving objects are much harder to hit). If you are a "popper", balloons are ideal; otherwise make yourself a dart board by tracing the standard 24 segment pattern on some heavy white paper and gluing it to some thin foam sheeting. You are ready to start tossing. You will find that your home made darts are surprisingly stable in flight and provide a usable range of about 10 feet.
WARNING:- Although these "darts"
are quite light and don't have much energy, eye injury is a real risk.
If the pins are really sharp they will stick in someone else's hide should
you happen to have a really wild throw.
My misspent youth-
Pencil Popper
I actually didn't develop this for the purpose of popping balloons, rather as a discrete means in impaling standard wooden pencils in the soft gypsum ceiling in my high school; but it most certainly could be used to bust balloons.
You need about a four inch length of metal or plastic tubing about 7/16 to 1/2 inch ID. The propulsion is provided by a 3" x 12" or so airship balloon. The balloon used must not be too fat or there will not be sufficient clearance for the rubber as well as the pencil inside the tube. Naturally a supply of standard wooden pencils nicely sharpened to use as missiles will also be required.
Stick the airship balloon on the eraser end of a pencil and push the balloon through the tube until about an inch if the neck end remains. The pencil must slide freely inside the balloon. If it doesn't, either a larger balloon or larger inside tube is needed. Fold the neck end portion of the balloon back over the outside of the end of the tube. The other end of the balloon should be available to grab out the other end of the tube. If you happen to have a longer airship balloon, fold over more of the neck end. You only want about 3/4 of an inch out the other end.
Hold the tube in one hand gripping the folded over balloon tightly so it wont pull through the tube. With the other hand grab the balloon and the eraser end of the pencil and pull it straight back away from the tube until the sharpened end is almost clear of the tube. Line up the stretched out balloon and the holding tube with the intended target and release. ZINGGGGG.
If you are using a somewhat larger tube the range may be increased by using two airship balloons, one slipped inside the other. The penny balloons (circa 1950) I used were quite capable of drilling a pencil into the 14 foot high ceilings causing it to stick and giving the janitor the fits.
WARNING:- This gadget can shoot
a pencil with sufficient force to cause serious eye injury and may even
puncture exposed skin if well sharpened pencils are used.
My misspent youth-
Hot air balloons.
Here is a really fun activity either solo or with a small group. I'm not talking here about those humungus highly expensive jobbies with the basket you can ride in, but the ordinary rubber 9 to 24 inch kind that we all have stashed around the house.
Aside from a large supply of balloons that you have not scheduled for a long life span the only other requirement is a copious supply of hot air from a campfire or small bonfire. The location requirement for the fire (aside from possible nosy neighbors) should provide adequate control to prevent a major conflagration from developing and an absence of overhead obstructions such as trees. The required size of the fire should be more than you would normally use for trail cooking but less than foot and a half high flames. If a larger bonfire is used, allow the flames to die down. An ideal time to perform this activity is before you break out the marshmallows. It is the rapidly rising column of hot air that you are interested in. Also in this regard, the ideal climatic condition for maximum flight height is zero wind.
The idea is to bat your balloons into the center of the column of hot air rising from the fire. Courtesy of Mr. Bernoulli, when properly positioned in the rising air stream, your balloons will be captured and carried aloft. The same principle is involved when you suspend a balloon over a vertical jet of air from the blower end of a vacuum cleaner. If the air is still and you have a reasonably hot fire the balloons will rise forty to fifty feet before they fall out of the dissipated hot air column and drift back to earth where they can be recycled for another flight if they don't pop when they hit the ground. If there is a bit of a breeze and it is a group activity, have a contest to see who's balloon travels the furthest from the fire before touch down or you can have a "spotter" standing off to the side who can gage the maximum heights reached.
When I first discovered this activity with my buddies on a camp out I was surprised that balloons can take the intense heat present only a foot or so above the flames for the second or so until they are up up and away. Naturally, being a popper, the fun part of this activity is the uncertainty of sparks being generated from the burning wood. Because sparks travel upward much faster than the balloon, should they happen to overtake one and kiss it's tender rubber skin, it's POP-O time.
WARNING:- Close adult supervision
is required if children under 12 are involved because tapping the balloons
into the center of the air column requires that you get fairly close to
the fire, and aside from possible spark burns, there is always the danger
of loosing one's footing in the rush to get in and back out and tumbling
into the flames. This is why too large an initial fire even though it has
burned down, is unsatisfactory because the intense radiated heat prevents
you from getting close enough for an accurate balloon launch.
My Misspent Youth-
Foolproof Door Water Bomb
This is a great idea to try for retaliation or just to harass some old fart that's been giving you a hard time. I came up with it in my 15th year and gave it a try a few days before Halloween. Although the concept is a old as the hills the implementation I will describe produces highly reliable and usually well timed detonation resulting in a most through soaking of the individual exiting the doorway; hereinafter called the TARGET. To function properly the door way must have an outward swinging screen or storm door that is mounted fairly flush with the outside of the door frame. Also the area 6" or so above the door opening must have sound wood and not be set back more than an inch from the face of the door frame.
The material requirements are
simple.
One sturdy 9 to 12 inch round
balloon.
One piece of poster board approximately
3" by 6" (I used the cardboard stiffener from a new shirt).
Two industrial sized thumbtacks
(not the wimpy colored ones where you get thirty or so on a piece of cardboard,
but the shiny metal ones with a half inch diameter head and a point that
is at least 7/16" long. The thumbtack must support the weight of the water
filled balloon).
A piece of duct or electrical
tape about 3/4" wide by 2" long.
Push one of the thumbtacks through the cardboard a half inch from the edge in the center of one of the narrow sides (the detonator). Place the piece of tape, centered, over the point of the thumb tack and stick the two ends down to the cardboard. Do not pull on the tape so as to force the point through it. The function of the tape is to prevent the balloon which will be hanging in contact with the thumbtack point from popping until the desired time. Unless several layers are used cellophane tape will not prevent the pressure applied by the heavy balloon from pushing the point through the tape.
Fill the balloon to a diameter of about five inches (if it's extra heavy rubber you cane safely go 6") and knot the neck. Stick the second thumbtack through the balloon neck right in front of the knot on the balloon side. (Note- if you try to hang the heavy balloon from the neck's bead side of the knot the rubber will most likely tear either when you try to hang it or as the balloon is being pushed outward by the opening door). Lift the water filled balloon by the thumb tack to gage the amount of "droop". This will probably be around 8" or so. Press the balloon support thumbtack through the cardboard near the center of the edge opposite the detonator tack with it's point out toward the balloon. The "droop" of the balloons should be 2" below the detonator end of the cardboard. Now comes the risky part; installing the bomb.
To work properly the TARGET must be just ready to pass through the door opening at the time of detonation which means that the screen or storm door must be opened at least half way when the top of the door slides out from under the balloon allowing it to drop against the detonator tack. Hang the bomb from the lintel over the door 1/4 to 1/3 of the way from the hinge side with the bottom of the balloon at least 1 1/2 inches below the opening. Be sure to force the "suspension tack" all the way in because it must not only support the water filled balloon but must not pull out when the door opens (often violently if there is a highly pissed geezer inside bent on catching Halloweeners) and pushes the balloon outward and upward.
Since the fun is watching the
results of your dirty work, some means must be devised to get the TARGET
to exit his domicile in fairly rapid fashion. In my case dumping the kid
that was on my shoulders to hang up the bomb on to the guys wooden porch
with a loud thump got the TARGET up an moving in a real hurry. In fact
he got to the door so damn fast I didn't get to see the results because
I was doing a flat out run for the shadows. Our observers, however, said
the desired results were fully met. An undesired result was having to present
myself before the chief of police after school the next day. I was spared
the minor infraction juvenile attitude correction paddle applied to my
hind quarters that was usually used in similar cases of youthful waywardness
because the chief was well aware the guy was a crank and he wished he could
have been there to see the soaking. He started laughing and allowed me
to escape punishment after I agreed to no more 'mischief making' in town.
Posted on 7/01