Brain Dead 12 ½ studios persents:
Theater of Pain Fanfic reviews
[Insert disclaimer here: I don't own any characters except Nescaro and Company,
and I can't remember all the copyright holders]
[Theme song] In the not too distant future, somewhere in zone 13, Nescaro and
his generals were hatching an evil scheme. A plan to beat their enemies and
bring mankind down to it's knees, they tricked Ranma and some friends into their
base then they knocked em on the noggin and they shot em into space.
Nescaro: We'll send them shitty fanfics.
Kappa: The worst we can find. [Lalala]
Shrivanzella: They'll have to sit and watch them all and we'll monitor their
minds. [Lalala]
Sakura: Now keep in mind that we control when the fanfics begin and end.
[Lalala]
Nagaii: These fics will break their sanity then we'll use them on their friends.
Reviewer roll call:
Ranma: I hate my life.
Ukyo: The horror....
Makoto: Vermilion must die!
Jinnai: And you all say I'm crazy.
Zoisite: Ouch.
Nuriko: Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful.
Afura: I hate this...
Shayla: Damn it get me a beer!
Misato: Sorry drank it all.
Karou: Songs are nice
Shinji: This I can run away from.
Asuka: Dumkoff.
Rei: If I am order to riff fics I will.
Kiyoni: Anyone know a good shrink?
Gourry: Huh?
Mihosai: What?
[Open as usal on the bridge of the SOH. Most of the cast is gathered on the
bridge. Misato and Shayla are comparing notes on fine beers of the world, Ranma
and Ukyo are talking about dinner, Zoisite and Nuriko are at the karoke machine
in the corner, Rei's sitting around reading….Whatever it is she's always reading
(does anyone really know?) , Asuka and Jinnai are bitching each other out, ect.]
Ranma: Oh hi folks. This is what we call our cool down time.
Ukyo: It's when we try to wash the bad taste of the latest lemon out of our
mouths with some friendly unwinding.
Asuka: You are so stupid!
Jinnai: Aww shut up!
Ranma: Well they're getting alone better anyhow. [The red light starts to flash]
Misato: Do they usally call this soon?
Ranma: Not really. Get Shinji and Karou out here would ya?
Shayla: Sure. Umm where are they?
Ranma: In the back.
Shayla: Ummm....
Ukyo: Problem?
Shayla: Yeah...I know what most people around here go in the back to do…
Jinnai: Some one's still bitter she can't get anyone to put out. [Fried Jinnai
anyone?]
Misato: I'll do it. [Opens the door marked "To the back" and shouts] Okay boys
time to come out.
Shinji and Karou: [Both enter. Shinji looks a little low lidded]
Ranma: Okay that's everyone. [Hits the button. Cut to Nescaro's castle. He's
sitting on his throne looking kinda bored]
Nescaro: Well hello my little elves. Things are a little hectic down here right
now since it seems some of your friends decided to try another rescue
attempt…Poor dopes. [Suddenly in comes Nagaii (who's dressed in an odd
combination of battle armor and leather bondage gear) carrying a struggling
Sailor Mercury]
Nagaii: Hey master look at the little birdie I caught. Can I keep her?
Nescaro: I dunno is she house broken?
Nagaii: When I'm done with her everything's gonna be broken.
Nescaro: Good point....Do whatever ya want.
Nagaii: Joy! Tell me Ami do you remember evening at lita's?
Ami: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nagaii: Hmm a feisty one....I like that. Too bad I couldn't catch a man too…Oh
well I'll have to suffer.
Nescaro: Ummmm right. Anyhow as for you saps up there I decided you haven't
suffered enough so I'm giving you a second fic. It's called Love me for what I
am….And even Nagaii hated it, and she liked Chibi Usa loses her
virginity….Enjoy!
[SOH]
Ranma: Oh man....[Buzzers]
Karou: Fic sign again! [Hit the button and everyone high tails it to the
theater]
Love Me for What I Am
Jinnai: I'd rather not.
by
DemonKlaw Shiranui
Misato: Here on known as asshole.
=============================================================================
Ukyo: Ah the lonely road.
Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, DIC, Kodansha own many charecters portrayed in this work
of fiction. I claim ownership of only one.
Misato: I doubt whoever it is will claim you though.
Ranma: Stress getting to ya huh?
"Don't Go Away," by Oasis.
=============================================================================
This is a Hentai fic.
Shinji: Do we ever get anything else?
Ranma: Don't hold your breath.
Turn back now if you are under 18.
Still here?
Ukyo: Not cause we wanna be.
Jinnai: You know we need new jokes.
Okay, this story is not strictly Sailor Moon fic.
Makoto: It's probably not much of anything.
This is partially a plot line from one story of my unpublished novel "This is
the Dark Time...for Love." Take out the Sailor-ness and you still have a good
story.
Shayla: Making way too many assumptions here.
Zoisite: They always do.
If you know anyone in publishing, please contact me at "cybermohd@trinidad.net"
my nickname is "Rocko Wallabe."
Asuka: I can think of a better nickname.
Let me warn you, in addition to the strong sexual content, there may be some
bestiality,
All (Besides you know who): [Look of impending doom]
Ranma: We are gonna die....
Kiyoni: Not again....
Karou: This will hurt...
Nuriko: We get worried we stop talking in full sentences.
depending on your opinion...
Shinji: I have no opinion.
Asuka: Jerk-off.
=============================================================================
Mina lay with her tummy on the sheets of her bed, still dressed in her
school uniform. She casually turned the pages of a magazine as she enjoyed the
strains of "Don't Go Away," drifting from her stereo.
Ranma: Enjoying Oasis?
Misato: Oxymoron.
Jinnai: In this case just plain moron.
Just then, a tapping was heard at her window.
Jinnai: Knocking on heavens door.
Makoto: Where'd that come from?
Nuriko: Who knows.
She flurried off of the bed and attended to the window. She opened the
latch and slid the window open and found herself staring into the face of a
dark-haired, teenaged boy.
Misato: Mystery guest sign in please.
"Hi Damon," she said.
Ukyo: Suddenly it's the omen.
Jinnai: One of my favorite films.
Afura: That figures.
Shinji: I think the name was different.
Ranma: Well so much for denial.
"Hi Mina, can I come inside?"
Karou: Not on the carpet!
Shinji: Karou!
Karou: Sorry….
he said, his balance on the tree-branch giving.
Asuka, Jinnai, Makoto, Zoisite: Fall, fall, fall, fall….
Shinji: They're starting to scare me a little.
"Sure," she stepped aside and let him enter. "Now," she said, "did you
get them?"
A smirk formed on the boy's lips, "30"
Shinji: Huh?
Ranma: I have a feeling we don't wanna know.
he said as he lay a bookbag down on Mina's bed and patted it.
Jinnai: Let's hope there's a bomb in there.
Shayla: We're not that lucky.
Afura: We'll never be that lucky.
"Ooh-ooh," she cooed, "lemme see, lemme see!"
She resumed her position
Jinnai: Assume the position!
on the bed while he took a seat on the edge. Her hands trembled as she undid
the zipper on the bag and slid out one of the thin magazines from inside.
Ukyo: Thin magazines, thin plot, think about it won't you?
Misato: Not much thinking involved with this.
Makoto: And it shows.
The title grabbed her at once: "T&A Monthly: Swedish Prostitute Issue."
All (Even Rei): [Groan]
Makoto: Is this evening at Lita's all over again?
Ranma: No but it's in that same spirit.
Jinnai: I gotta find something heavy to throw.
Her face lit up and she threw her arms around Damon's neck.
Jinnai: Strangling him, the end.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she ranted.
Ranma: No thank you.
"Your welcome, let's just say you owe me 30 more favors..."
Ukyo: Your gonna owe us a lot more then that.
he said as she resumed her perusement of the magazine. "I'll need them back
before my dad finds out that I stole 'em."
Afura: While you steal our hope.
"Sure, sure," she brushed the words into the air.
"And what are you going to do if you parents find 'em?"
Ranma: Lie like a dog.
"Oh," she contemplated, "I'll just tell them that I'm holding them for
you, neighbour." She winked.
Jinnai: Know what I mean, know what I mean nudge nudge.
Shinji: Say no more.
"Why don't you just up and tell them that you're gay?"
Ranma: Hmmmm let's see the fact she'll chase any man that gets with in three
feet of her?
Misato: Stop with the logic you'll ruin the mood.
He said, laying down on the bed with his arms behind his head.
"Shh!" she hissed. She moved over so that his head was between her
outspread legs and leaned over, her golden hair pooling to the sides of his
head. "I still don't know if I am! I'm still experimenting with the idea, thay's
Jinnai: Gee I can't imagine why his novel's unpublished...
why I'm 'borrowing' these 'publications...'"
"Sure, sure, Ms. In-The-Closet,"
Afura: Sounds like a weird lounge act doesn't it?
Rei: No.
Everyone else: [Jumps]
Ranma: I wish she wouldn't do that.
he smiled as she stuck out her tounge and tugged on her eyelid. "Put that back
in,"
Ukyo: Please.
he warned, "you don't want to use that until you 'experiment' with another
girl."
Asuka: [Starts mumbling in German again]
She giggled uncontrollably. She put the magazines back into the bag as
he sat up.
"I still don't understand why I'm helping you," he said.
Jinnai: All together now.
All: Neither do we!
"Because we're such good friends," she said, stowing the magazines under
her bed, "plus, like you said, now I owe you a few favours."
"Speaking of which," he said, standing," how about fixing me up with one
of your friends?"
Ukyo: Subtle as a freight train.
Misato: And nearly as intelligent.
Kiyoni: Not hardly.
"Oh," she was intruiged now,
Makoto: I'll bet.
"like who?"
"I dunno," he drawled, "like one of those four whose always coming over
here."
Ranma: Could it be....
Ukyo: A plot point?
Jinnai: Well what do you think?
He stopped with a thinking look on his face, "they wouldn't happen to
be...uhh..."
Jinnai: Semi-intelligent.
Asuka: No chance.
Makoto: I'm gonna have to hurt you if you keep that up.
"No, they're straight.So, which one?"
Misato: All right which one is it sweet heart?
"Okay. Mabye the blonde, she looks so much like you," he teased.
Ranma: Bad idea.
"Hey, pal, she already has a boyfriend,"
Shayla: [As Mina] Besides, you'de go broke buying earplugs.
Makoto: Don't get me started.
Mina said.
"Okay, so, who's free?"
Nuriko: Nobody dumb enough for you.
Zoisite: Feeling uppity tonight dearest?
"Well," she slumped her head in thought and paced the room,
Jinnai: This could take years.
"there's Lita!"
Ranma: Dum, dum, dum, dummmmm
Makoto: I was afraid of that.
"Lita?"
"The brown-haired one," she said.
"Ohh," he said, "the one that looks like she could take me in a
no-holds-barred?"
Ukyo: Like that's a feat.
Mina laughed out, "Oh, come on, you take karate. 'Sides," she continued,
"she'll only beat you if you insult her cooking."
"Well, I eat anything,
Ukyo: But I can't shallow this.
Jinnai: [Takes out a magnifying glass and starts examining the screen]
so we don't have a problem there," he made a funny expression.
"Sure, I'll set you two up, you could pick her up around seven..."
"NO!" he roared. "Not after dark!"
Ranma: [Little kid voice] Mommy says I can't go out then.
Mina froze. Damon had never shouted at her since she met him a year ago,
when he had moved in next door.
Ukyo: A day that will live in infamy.
She looked at him limply. "What?" she droned, not understanding his tone.
"I-" he was flustered now, "I just dont come out after dark...I...I had
better go..."
Jinnai: Go forth and do get things...Just don't do em on the porch again! [Goes
back to examining the screen]
He flew out of her window and scampered across the tree branch
connecting their houses, leaving a very confused Mina behind.
* * *
Makoto: Anyone else think that's too many stars?
Jinnai: [Still examining the screen] Just how many times are we gonna do that
joke?
Gourry: What are you doing anyhow?
Jinnai: I'm looking for the good story he was talking about earlier.
Shinji: Any luck?
Jinnai: No.
The next day, Mina opened her locker and found a small envelope resting
on her books. She opened it and read the intricately lettered note.
Ranma: Let's see....Sell the house sell the car sell the kids I'm never coming
back?
Ukyo: That's very familiar.
"Hey, Mina,
Sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean anything by it. I hope
you are still my friend.
Asuka: Keep hoping.
I want you to meet me at our place, tommorow night. 8:00. I will explain.
Later,
Ukyo: But all too soon.
Damon."
* * *
"Damon. Hi." she said as she strolled into the forest glade. The
clearing had been a place that they used to go to talk...
Jinnai: Okay I say we'll be in lemonville any minute now.
Ranma: I'm no gambler.
Ukyo: Unless the game's strip poker that is.
Zoisite: Always fun.
"Hi,"
Misato: No but I wish I was.
he sat on a log, near the pond. She walked slowly around and then sat on the
other end of the log.
"Alright, care to tell me why you don't come out after dark?" Her hair
blew in the breeze, along with her skirt.
Jinnai: Strange how the wind blows tonight.
"Wait."
Ukyo: Okay I think we all know where this is heading.
As the sky darkened, Mina saw him change.
Asuka: Hopefully into a good writer.
His body enlarged, became harsher. His hair lengthened, his face became
canine...
Ukyo: And we care because?
He was a werewolf.
Jinnai: And here I thought he was a werechicken.
Gourry: Chicken? Where?
Mihosai: That sounds good.
Kiyoni: And people wonder why I see a shrink.
"You're a...a..."
Jinnai: Oh just say it.
she couldn't say anything more...she mashed her fist to her mouth.
"<>" he finished, in a growling tone. "<>"
Ranma: Get on the track team.
"No," she stopped him, she ran to him, embraced him, her body pressing
against his dark blue fur.
Everyone: [Snicker]
She looked deep into his yellow eyes. "You are still Damon, only...now I
understand."
Shinji: What does she understand?
Jinnai: Where all the flea powder disappeared to, how the hell should I know?
They remined there for many minutes. Wordless, staring, lost in each
other's eyes.
Ukyo: They lost me a long time ago.
"<>" he growled.
Ranma and Ukyo: [Singing] I know who I want to take me home.
Before she could respond, he scooped her up in his huge claws and placed
her on his back and began to run through the glade.
Jinnai: Run Forrest run.
Mina held onto his back, trying to comprehend why he had felt so out of
place. Suddenly, she was aware of an eletric tingle between her legs,
Ukyo: Yep here it comes.
which were lewdly spread out onto his flanks. So much so, that the leg of her
underwear began to slip into her passage, exposing both cheeks of her rosy ass
and rubbing up and down, up and down over the lips of her pussy.
Ranma: Just go with me on this one.
His running, bucking, was becoming too much for her.
Makoto: What a second isn't she supposed to be gay in this?
Misato: Again with the logic.
Shayla: I'm gonna need a long shower after this one.
She could feel her panties suddenly flush and moisten with an explosion of her
honey.
Afura: [Singing] You want honey got to the bees…
She would have to stop before she came again, she couldn't bear it, she needed
something...something...
Jinnai: Saw that coming a mile away.
She bent down and whispered into his ear, "please, put me down..."
Nuriko: Okay mister drop em.
Zoisite: Dear….
He stopped, worriedly. He lay her down on the grassy forest floor, her
radiant form still bright against the night's darkness.
Ukyo: It's not dark enough.
"<>" he growled. not noticing the shining sweetness
on her slickened thighs.
Shinji: Well if he's a wolf then couldn't he…
Jinnai: Don't bother.
Her voice came ragged, breathless, "Damon...I don't know why you never
told me before, but I want you to now that after tonight, I will still consider
you a friend..."
Ukyo: Aww ain't that sweet?
Misato: Pardon me while I throw up.
Jinnai: Your gonna have a lot of company.
She sat up on her elbows and kissed his muzzle. Their hands began to
wander over each other's bodies. His blade-like claws shredding her blouse and
revealing her pale, hot skin.
Makoto: Can we get a fan in here please?
"Damon..." she moaned, feline-like.
Her own hands came to undress her. Her clothes were soon in a messy pile
next to them. She lay, beautifully naked on the grassy floor in front of Damon.
She left her skirt on,
Jinnai: Again I marvel at the writing skill here.
and as she stood, Damon could see the glistening of her girly-cum dripping down
her thighs.
Shayla: Okay who's gonna mop that up?
Her hair went down her back, but one lock of it fell forward into the
sweat-dampened valley between her peaked tits.
Jinnai: [Singing] But all the girls will love you if you yodel in the valley.
Everyone else: [Gives him a weird look]
She leaned on his massive, hunched form, running her hands through his
smooth fur. Her eyes were closed and she moaned wordlessly into the night. Her
breasts, full and firm, pressed flush onto his fur and the erect nipples started
to tweak and burn with the rythmic rocking of their bodies.
Shinji: Nice illiteration.
Karou: Pity it's a wasted effort.
His scent, dark and musky, filled her and she began to inch her skirt
upwards as his face came nearer and nearer to her wanton pussy.
Ranma: Nahhh I don't wanna know.
He threw her back down to the soft grass violently. For a moment, she
was scared, but only for a moment, she began to realize his intentions. His long
muzzle slipped between her legs and his nose streched her virgin cunt wide.
Jinnai: Open for business.
Her moans excited him.
Ranma: And had the opposite effect on us.
Within minutes, her spasming love-box brought her to pinch and redden
her nipples until she shreiked with a back-arching orgasm.
Ukyo: Seen it.
Ranma: Hated it.
"Damon..."
"<>" he returned, "<>"
Shinji: Oh just get on with it!
=============================================================================
Ukyo: It's over?
Ranma: Let's hope.
Of course this is not the end, story to be updated soon.
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ukyo: Okay let's get outta here. [Everyone runs out of the theater like it's on
fire. Later on the bridge]
Ranma: Man that was tough. Everyone okay?
Jinnai: Yeah I'm feeling no unusal side effects. [Growls]
Makoto: Don't start.
Shinji: Well now what?
Karou: Shall we continue?
Shinji: Okay. Let's just do it out here this time. [They both site down and
start playing cards]
Karou: Well what did you think we were doing back there?
Misato: Ummmm okay...[red light flashes] What do ya think? [Cut to Nescaro's
castle. Nescaro's sitting on his throne engaging in his favorite past time
(drinking)]
Nescaro: Well I liked it. [We hear a scream from off stage] Damn it….Nagaii will
you keep that girl quite?
Nagaii: [Off screen] Sorry Boss I think I may have tied her up to tightly. The
jello should be ready by now anyhow.
Ami: For the love of god not that!
Nescaro: I just hope she remembers to clean up this time. Anyhow that's all she
wrote. [Hits the button]
[End]