Mystery Science Theater 1/2 by Unicorn 3000 Episode 4 **in the notorious DSK's spaceship, the Filthy Whore, designed to blast his enemies into the far reaches of space and make them watch stupid fanfics, 5 people sit watching the worst hentai fanfics in the world. Emperor Nescaro, the emperor of something we haven't established yet. Nes- Oy vey... Jenn, Nescaro's beautiful daughter. Jenn-Yah, hi there. Peggy, DSK's ex-fiancé.... Peggy-I still don't understand why I'm here. Cuddly CatGirl, DSK's personal sex slave. Cuddly- oh shut up.. And DSK, the owner of the Filthy Whore who was double crossed by Count Drake and now sits in his closet, which only accepts Visa and Discover. Unfortunately for the blood-thirsty passengers none of them have accounts with Visa OR Discover, except for Peggy, who left her purse at home. Peggy- Dammit! These 5 poor people shall live out the rest of their years being forced to watch these works, banned by the Library of Congress for blinding various readers who were not prepared for the onslaught of terrible writers, not that that ever stopped Monica Lewinsky(She has a biography you know). The passengers have decided that since the world is going to end in the year 2000 their torture will not be long-lived. But they don't realize that they aren't on earth (the world) and therefore when everything else is destroyed they will be left alone, but don't tell them that! All-(SCREAM) too late.... ***** (Peggy, Nes, Jenn, and Cuddly are all sitting on the couch eating popcorn) DSK(over the intercom)- Today's selection is... >Beryl captured? (revised) Peggy-"(revised)?" Does that mean it'll actually be worth watching? Nes- Knowing the way these people write it's probably a lot worse than it originally was. >by Hentai Otaku Jenn- I know him! Oh wait Nevermind.. >Please send all flames to hentaiotaku@rocketmail.com. (everyone gets out their notepads for email addresses they will flame if they ever get back to a computer with a modem in it) * * * * >Queen Beryl, ruler of the Dark Kingdom awakened in Nes- A stupid MST (electricity shoots out of the screen and shocks Nes) >a room that appeared both strange and awfully familiar. Cuddly- Because it was her own room! >As her red eyes focused, she took as much of the decor as possible. Jenn- *gasp* Someone worked hard to put that decor there and she just steals it like it were nothing! Peggy- She should be ashamed. Cuddly- Well she's doing the owner a favor, LOOK AT THAT ROOM! Nes-(sits with a the blank stare of a man that knows nothing about decorating) >The primary color scheme was red, >gray and navy. Peggy- Try our new automatic decor! Cuddly- *sings* Three three three colors in one! Jenn- Red, gray and navy! Nes- WARNING: Automatic Decor can release toxic fumes that are harmful to humans. Please keep in a refrigerator at 0 Kelvin and out of the reach of children, thank you. >Beryl admitted that she liked this >person's taste. Cuddly- yummy >The musky fragrance of a man, Jenn- Was all the warning she got before she was stabbed in the back repeatedly and thrown out a window. All- (cheer) >hung about the bed >and the entire room. Peggy- Whoever lived there should take more showers. >That smell too was >familiar, but not familiar enough to be instantly recognized. >As she stood to move about, Beryl noticed that she Cuddly- Had a knife in her back! >was wearing >a kimono. Whoever had dressed her had done an excellent job, Jenn- Yah! They had tied it so tight the circulation was cut off and she became paralyzed... >the obi was snug, but not tight Nes- In fact it was so loose it fell off! (Everyone whackz Nes) Peggy- You're gonna jinx it! It probably will fall off now! (Everyone thwapz Peggy) >and everything, had stayed in >place despite her Nes- untimely demise. >"nap". >"How did I end up here? The last thing I remember is seeing >some youma looking down at me in surprise, saying she's alive. Peggy- (sympathizes with the youma) Too bad aint it?! >The queen soon spotted a picture frame containing the photo of >a young girl with long, thick black hair. Jenn- Who the hell is that?! >She looked >extremely young, perhaps even Sailor Moon's age. Cuddly- It's that girl who played Wednesday Adams!! All-(SCREAM) Nes- No wait! It's Rei..... All-(SCREAM) > The >thought of that Meatball-headed Peggy- Hey that name is patented buddy, I'll sue your pants off! DSK(over intercom)- She would too! I'm still looking for mine.... >interloper changed the >queen's color from blue to purple. Jenn- The poor dear is sick. Cuddly- Get the morphine! Chop chop! >She defeated me, Nes- 'bout time you noticed the knife in your back. >then Metalia slew me and took my form. Jenn- MORE stealing! >Did >Metalia win? Peggy- look at the knife in your back woman! >Did she forgive and resuscitate me? All-(vomit) >The door was thrown open and Cuddly- A rabid dog came running in and bit her, giving her a mutated form of rabies that killed her instantly! All-(cheer) >the indentity of the room's occupant >was revealed Peggy-Adam Sandler! Jenn- Jack Nicholson! Cuddly- That rabid dog! Nes- DSK! (electricity shocks Nes) >...Jaedite. All- (SCREAM) >"Queen Beryl, I see you're awake.", said Jaedite Peggy- Boy! You're observant! >As he entered the room. Jenn- a knife flew at his head! >Jaedite's attire was different from before. Cuddly- he was wearing bunny ears and a cotton tail. >He still wore a gray uniform, with red trim, but >now he sported Jenn- Bunny ears... we said this already. >a cape and ornaments on both soldiers that Nes- They didn't mention soldiers before! >showed him as outranking Nephrite, and even Kunzite. Peggy- only because they're pansies. >Beryl contained her surprise at this, rather well. Nes- She decided he must have been one of those people that slept with her so they'd get promoted. Jenn- At least it worked! Peggy- DSK does that too. Cuddly- Really? Hmmm...... >"How long have I been gone?, Cuddly- Long enough to be killed about 3 times. >she thought, before speaking Jenn- That's a good trait >aloud, "Yes, I am. Peggy- Wow, she's observant too! >General Jaedite, where am I Jenn- In the room you vandalized! > why are >you dressed like that Nes- (imitates Jaedite) I was on a date with Zoicite. >and why am I dressed like this?", Cuddly-(imitates Beryl) Oh yeah...I told Kunzite I'd dress like this while he slept with me, he likes it if there's more to take off. (everyone whacks Cuddly) Jenn- You might give someone ideas! >Beryl asked as she with one hand gracefully indicated the Peggy- knife in her back >dark purple kimono she wore. The color suited her Jenn- Because she was blue. >, but was definatly not from her wardrobe. Nes- Of course not, she didn't have that much fashion sense! >Jaedite answered, "You are in my new Peggy-(imitates Jaedite) Rabid dog training facility (don't ask why there's a bed in here). That kimono is usually put on dummies for the rabid dogs to attack, but don't worry, they're all tied up! Nes- Oh no!! Mister Jaedite! One of your dogs is loose! >room. I am >dressed like this because I am now Cuddly- Zoicite's personal belly dancer! All- *gag* >the Lord General >and ruler of the Jenn- Bunny men! >Dark Kingdom and this is my new uniform." Nes- yeah yeah, shake it baby! (everyone whacks Nes) >"What???!!", exclaimed the former Queen as she >almost fell off the bed. Peggy- She'd make a terrible gymnast..... >"Oh, and as the new ruler of the Dark Kingdom, I >have absolute control over Jenn- Rabbits and gay generals. >everything and everyone Nes- cheered because Beryl had finally been killed >in it.", he punctuated the last statement with a Cuddly- Period. >slow, >superior little smile that raised Jenn- The corners of his mouth >Beryl's blood pressure Nes- Rose drastically and she had a heart attack. All-(cheer) Nes- but she didn't die (everyone whacks Nes) >both in lust and anger. Peggy- So she took out her AK-47 and shot his balls off! All-(cheer) >Beryl raised one hand and tried to blast her first >general. Peggy- I told you! All-(cheer) >Nothing happened. Cuddly- boooo >The small smile disappeared from Jaedite's face as he, Jenn- Realized he forgot his bunny whiskers. >in what appeared to be one movement, Cuddly- Grabbed an eyebrow pencil and quickly painted some whiskers on his face! Nes- whew, close call! >closed the gap Jenn- Awwww, that's my favorite store!! >between himself and his former queen, yanking her Peggy- Gun away from her, but the trigger caught on a button and she was shot in the face! All- (cheer) >up >against his chest as he said, Nes- (imitates Jaedite) Do you think this is okay or should I back up a little? >"Your powerless and your mine." Peggy- (imitates Beryl) You should back up! And I'm not powerless! (punches Nes) Nes-(imitates Jaedite) You bitch, you smudged up my whiskers! (attacks Peggy) (Jenn and Cuddly move way over to the other end of the couch) DSK(over intercom)- What the hell is going on?! Break it up! (electricity shocks Nes and Peggy) >He then paused before bending down to deliver a Jenn- Pizza! (Everyone stares at Jenn) Jenn- Well I'm hungry demmit!! Nes- That'll be $11.99. (offers Jenn popcorn) Jenn- I don't want popcorn daddy!! *whapz it out of his hand* Popcorn sux and so does this MST! (electricity zaps Jenn) Nes- She always was a problem child..... >slow, >sultry kiss. Peggy- no comment.... >Beryl responded immedately Jenn- Slapping him silly! >not caring Cuddly- About Jaedite's feelings >about resistance afterall she'd blast him Nes- Who's "him" Peggy- You haven't been paying attention have you?! Nes- Where am I? (everyone whacks Nes) >into atoms Jenn- Wouldn't it be easier to just break him up into molecules? >for his insolence soon enough. Nes- there's he is again! >Her former general sighed as he Nes- realized no one had ordered pizza and turned to trudge back to Dominos. >lowered Beryl back to >the bed, "I do like seeing my women Nes- (imitates Jaedite) I rarely ever do, they're so good at hiding! >dressed as ladies, Cuddly- Kunzite and Nephrite walked in. >however, I hate the time required to get all those Peggy- (imitates Jaedite) Pizzas delivered! 30 minutes or less?! Be realistic people! >robes out of the way. Jenn- (imitates Jaedite) So I'm going to watch you do it! >Undress." All- NO!!! >"No." All-(cheer) >Jaedite laughed, as a nasty looking instrument Cuddly- hit him in the head, knocking him out. All-(cheer) >floated across the room to his Peggy- groin! Nes-(flinching) That had to hurt. Peggy- That happened to DSK once. He couldn't stand up for days. Nes- What hit him so hard? Peggy- well it was the same thing really, only it was my knee that was floating. >hand. He now held a shiny, Jenn- (imitates The Cat from Red Dwarf) This is my shiny thing! And if you try to take it off me I may have to eat you. >brown, riding crop about a yard long. Cuddly- Ride 'em cowboy! >Bending it, he demonstrated it's suppleness before sending it whistling Peggy- Dixie. It was whistling Dixie >against one of the bedposts. The sharp crack it made Jenn- Brought the rabid dogs tearing in after the purple kimono ripping it to tiny bits! >was not lost on Queen Beryl, Peggy- Because, as I said before, she was rather observant. >a woman whom had observed Peggy- SHE ADMITS IT! >the torture of many unfortunate Nes- MSTers on the Filthy Whore! Jenn- HELP US!!! >soldiers. Cuddly- Soldiers! Peggy- Maybe the Soldiers will help us! Jenn- Yah! Maybe they'll be hunky and dreamy and we can- Nes- (covers her mouth) Don't finish that! This MST is already bad enough... (electricity shocks Nes) DSK(over intercom)- I heard that! >Jaedite then did someting he almost never did. He Jenn- Delivered a pizza on time! Peggy- Took a shower! Nes- Slept with a woman! (Everyone whacks Nes) >repeated himself, "I said, Nes-(imitates gangster) Go open da dog cage bitch! We'll see if you're worthy of my great self! (everyone moves a lil bit further away from Nes) >Undress." All- Noooooooooo! >Beryl repeated her answer, "No". All-(CHEER) >This unfavorable response prompted the new ruler of >the Dark Kingdom to Peggy- Wonder if he should quit his job as a delivery boy. >bring the whip down across the >front of Beryl's thighs countering, "Yes". All- Nooooooo!! >Even through her many layers of clothing Beryl felt Jenn- The chill, in fact it was so cold she froze to death. All- (cheer) >the sting that had undoubtedly left a purple mark Cuddly- Ooh! It matches her kimono! >across her blue-tinted skin. Peggy- She's a very sick woman. >"Fine.", she said and began the process of Nes- Filing her taxes >undressing. (Cuddly and Jenn cover their eyes) Peggy- *gags* Nes- (pats Peggy on the back) get it out of your system! >Beryl untied both the small Cuddly- And the large dogs to sic them on Jaedite. >string belt and her much >wider, stiffer obi, letting both accessories drop to >the floor. Peggy- They're gonna get dirty if she leaves them like that. >Her robes both outer and under soon joined >them. Jenn- All the robes were partyin' on da floor! >Jaedite stood back and allowed his eyes to rove up and >down, appreciatively. All-(YAWN) Nes- God, how much longer is this going to last?! Peggy- Shoot me now.... Jenn- Where are those soldiers demmit?! Cuddly- Zzzzzzzz...ZzzzzzZZZzzzzzz..... (electricity shocks Cuddly) Cuddly- huh? Wha? (over intercom) DSK- No sleeping! Cuddly- I was only resting my eyes! >Her body gave new meaning to the >old phrase Peggy- "It's not what's outside, but what's inside that counts?" Jenn- "Let's run like hell?" Cuddly- "Don't let little things like that get in the way of your relationship?" Nes- "Is this your umbrella?" >"legs that went on for days". He'd often >fanfasized about those legs. Peggy- He wished that he had legs like that and spent at least 1 hour a day talking to Zoicite about proper leg care. >In those fantasies, Jenn- Jaedite was the new negaverse slut! Even Kunzite slept with him! >Beryl's long, strong legs wrapped around him and Cuddly- Crushed him like a pet Boa that hasn't been fed in a day. >pulled >him further and further into Nes- A black hole out in space which sucked him in and killed him instantly. >her lap, the warmth of her Peggy- Electric blanket burned him severely. >privates and chest sent his lust and arousal climbing >higher and higher. Jenn- *sings* Higher and Higher, now we've learned to play with fire. We go higher and higher and higher! >His scrutiny continued. Jaedite noticed with approval Cuddly- That it was almost time for his facial! >Beryl's arousal. Peggy- What about it? >He watched her Jenn- As she picked up a chair and threw it at him. Peggy- (imitates Beryl) Pervert!! Get out of my room! Nes-(Imitates Jaedite) *girlie scream* Aaaaahhh! Don't hurt me don't hurt me! >nipples harden and smiled. >His former superiors, Cuddly- Kunzite and Nephrite walked in. >full breasts and hips ignited a Jenn- Fire and the house burned down. All-YaY! >passion in him that few sights did. Nes- There wasn't much passion to go around. >"Lay down and spread Peggy- butter on those pancakes! >those long legs Nes-(imitates Jaedite) will be mine! *evil laugh* >for me.", Jaedite >realized that he should have gone slower and savored >the Jenn- smell of the pizza since this lady obviously wouldn't have cared how fast he got it there! >experience of taking Beryl, his former Nes- sex slave (everyone whacks Nes) >Queen, for >the first time, Jenn- Awwww, isn't that cute, they made him queen. >but it had been awhile since he'd >been with anyone Cuddly- I guess that fling with Zoicite last night didn't count... >and his hormones were setting the pace. Nes- Damn teenagers. >With one thrust he was fully inside of her. Peggy- Red convertible >Beryl clinched her teeth and sucked air in as the pain >hit. Cuddly- She had really bad reflexes and only just felt the knife. >Jaedite hadn't even waited for her to get fully >aroused. She was barely wet. Jenn- *gets the hose* okay Jack! Turn it on! DSK(over intercom)- Who's Jack?! >The blonde haired general began to pump Peggy- Gas into the car. (imitates Jaedite) Dammit! I'm late for my facial! >in and out as >his unwilling companion Cuddly- Tried desperately to rip his head off but it was connected to his neck. >griped his shoulders. Peggy- And shook him until his neck broke! Cuddly- THEN she ripped his head off! >The pace >increased Nes- Go Speed racer ! Go Speed racer! Peggy- Don't steal Xander's jokes! That's MY job! >and Jaedite actually began to slam Jenn- Beryl's doors. Peggy-(imitates Beryl) Stop! You might chip the paint! > into Beryl's >lap. Cuddly- Dropped a revolver with bullets in it. >His member was longer and thicker than Nes- A cashew.. .but not by much. >any human >males'. Peggy- was bigger than this guys! >It began to thrust in and out of its own accord Cuddly- Wow...I didn't know they could do it by themselves... >and Jaedite had to pin Jenn- up the hem on his new dress. >Beryl to the mattress as she bucked >about Cuddly- he only has to stay on for 6 more seconds, can he make it? >in both pain and ecstasy. The former queen soon Nes- Grabbed for the revolver! >involuntariy wrapped her legs around his waist. Jenn- Crushing him just like a pet boa that hasn't been fed in a week. > Grunts of DSK(over intercom)- Oh my god! You didn't bring that stupid pig on board did you?! Peggy- He's not any trouble I promise! DSK- It's be nicer if he was house-trained. (everyone stares at Peggy with wide eyes) Peggy- WHAT?! >pleasure escaped her red lips. Nes- We're not lucky enough to have pleasure come out of anything....especially this. > Jaedite increased both >the depth and speed of his thrusts. Any observer would >have Peggy- Thrown up? Nes- Shot someone? Cuddly- Thrown a fit? Jenn- Joined in? (everyone whacks Jenn) > assumed that he was trying to split the poor woman in >half. Cuddly- Yes, yes, tear her to shreads! >A dual climax soon took ahold of and shook both participants >senseless. Peggy- And the MST was over! All-(cheer) >Beryl hadn't been fucked like that Jenn- Since Kunzite two nights ago. >in centuries, >where as Jaedite hadn't had a partner Nes- Since the beginning of time. >that could handle his >hard style of love making in months...and for him that was >an enternity. He rolled off Jenn- The bed onto the knife that had fallen out of Beryl's back. >of Beryl and laid flat on his >back. Jaedite licked his lips Nes- mm-mm >and panted hard. Beryl simply >laid back as shivers of pleasure still shook her. >"Jaedite drop your illusion and get out.", commanded Queen >Beryl. Cuddly- You go girl! >Her voice had an uncharacteristic softness in it >along with a small trace of amusement. "When'd you figure it out.", Peggy- Last Tuesday. >laughed Jaedite, still panting Cuddly- Come here little puppy! >it would take another minute or so for his breathing to slow >to normal. Nes- he had bad asthma >The queen's red eyes danced with amusement as she answered, >"When you hit me. You pulled your punch too much. I know >that none of my generals would hasitate to give me a good >trashing if they were ever in a position to do so." Jenn- I know I would! (everyone looks at Jenn) Peggy- Do you want to get sucked into the TV again?! (Jenn shuts up) >"One of us wouldn't.", Jaedite stopped there. He wouldn't >embarrass himself further. Cuddly- He's embarrassed by that and he's in a hentai? >"Are you saying that you'd let me live, and unharmed at >that?" Jenn- No! >, she had to get some clarification on this one. Peggy- She wasn't good at math either. >"Of course. I wouldn't be interested in torturing you as >long as you co-operated and Jenn- Committed suicide like I told you! >fulfilled the duties of your >new position. Peggy- Leader of the bunny women! >"New position?!" >Uh-huh, "Jaedite's Personal Bedwarmer..." All-(vomit) >A hard jab to the ribs silenced any further taunts. He knew >when to quit. Nes- Then why are we still sitting here?! >"Beryl-sama", Jaedite said as he leaned down and delivered >a brief but lustful kiss to his Queen's lips, "Happy Birthday, >My Queen". All-(sing happy birthday way off key in hopes that the TV circuts with blow) >"Thank you. You are dismissed" All-(cheer) >"Yes, my queen.", answered Jaedite as he disappeared into a >warp hole Peggy- And never returned. >above both of them. The energies blew her long >hair about, which reminded her to summon one of her attendants >which a minor mental summons did. Jenn- She's psychic! >And as the room reverted back to her normal bedroom, Jenn- Look, all the decor is back! >she could >hear the sound of her attendant running water into the small >swimming pool, Beryl called a bathtub. Nes- Get it over with already!!! >"I *like* being the Queen.", Cuddly- I'm sure we're all happy for you.. >purred the tall woman as she slowly >rose to head toward her freshly drawn bath. Suddenly a thought >came to her and she stopped in mid-step. Peggy- "I'm a cat!" Jenn- "I left the oven on!" Cuddly- "Where'd all my clothes go anyway?" Nes- "How did they know I stole all that decor?" >"Wait a minute!", thought Beryl, "How did Jaedite neutralize >my powers that was no illuison. I know the difference." Peggy- She's being observant again! >On cue, a deep laugh reverberated throughout Beryl's chambers >as the door to the hall disappeared All- (GROAN) >"Ready for your bath, Queen Beryl?" asked the attending youma. >"Am I still Queen or do you mock me?", demanded Beryl of her >servant. Jenn- We mock you! (laughs evily) >The youma looked surprised, but quickly answered, "You are still >Queen of the Dark Kingdom, consort..." >"Consort?!!!" Peggy- Are you deaf or sumthin? >"...consort of Lord General Jaedite, Ruler of the New Dark Kingdom." All-(Yawn) >Beryl screamed in rage. Cuddly- The poor dear is upset! >"Your bath, your highness...", prompted the unimpressed, uncaring >young youma. >* * * * Peggy- It's over!! All- (sigh of relief) DSK- (evil laugh) Don't be so sure! More to come! All-(GROAN) To be continued.....